Rewriting the Narrative

There is a running narrative that plays in my mind. It’s the story my psyche has developed over the course of my life. It tells the story of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But sometimes, it tells stories that aren’t redemptive, that aren’t hopeful, that don’t speak love, stories that would keep me believing that I am stuck and nothing will ever change. Sometimes these stories have kept anxiety at bay and given me space to do the hard things in life, but that doesn’t sound like a story I want to tell. In hearing these narratives for almost half a century now, I have changed the way I listen, so I can hear Him, the author and finisher of my faith. Listening to Him, I can rewrite the story with truth.

The definition of rewrite is essentially to write it again, with a better ending. God has been rewriting the narrative of my life, so I’m going hand over the pen.


He says the story isn’t over
He says I’m not stuck
He says it’s all for His glory
He says I have a purpose
He says I am His
He says I am redeemed
He says I am forgiven

And you know what? His story is better.

It’s a story of Love that pursued through abuse, struggle, and pain. It’s a story that gives choices even in the worst of circumstances. It’s a story that trumps darkness and brings light. It’s a story of hope and redemption. It’s a story that says all is never lost, only rerouted.

In the middle of the mess, the Author whispers, “I’m right here and I will never leave you alone. You are mine and I have inscribed you on the palm of my hand.” And with faith even the size of a mustard seed, I say, “I believe you and I want Your story to be told through my life, even if it means rewriting the narrative.”

And though your beginning was small, 

your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7

Love Isn't Always a 1st Corinthians Kind of Thing

Tomorrow is the most and anticipated and dreaded day for many, you know the day we celebrate "love?" But not everyone is anticipating flowers and candy. Some are anticipating painful reminders of loss, rejection, grief and it will be a hard day. I've been there!

I've always loved this "love" day even though it hasn't always been great and I love "loving" on others, so I've created a printable to make it easy for you to share some "love" tomorrow. Do you know someone who is hurting? Lonely? Depressed? Pray and ask the Lord which one of these sentiments they need to hear. Print out the following printable on regular paper or cardstock and cut them out and share with anyone who needs a little extra TLC tomorrow. You could put them on someone's car, desk, mirror or leave them in the bathroom at work. I'm trusting your discernment and creativity, but would you come back and share how these blessed someone.

It might be you, you might need the reminders and that's okay. This is my gift to you. These are things we all need to hear, so sit with them for a while and take them in as love letters written just to you.

(Click to print)

No matter where you find yourself this Valentine's Day, you are:

• seen
• loved
• His
• adored
• cherished
• held

Don't take my word for it:

...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39

A Well Placed Question

Well worn and used journals can be a reference library of sorts as I navigate life's ups and downs. Researching my own experiences to find God, His answers, His movement, and His faithfulness. This week I fanned through the pages of one of my many journals and found an entry from January 9th, 2020:

I find myself reminding myself that light shines in broken vessels to keep myself hoping, believing and putting one foot in front of the other. How does my continued brokenness bring You Glory?

That last line, the question, inquiring of the Lord how my seeming perpetual mess brings Him any kind of Glory. It was an honest asking and wanting to know and understand. Wanting to know that I am still going the right way. 

Although most days I’m confident of His love and my position in Him, there are days, like January 9th, that I struggle and wonder, how is my life making a difference in the Kingdom? How will anyone see you in this mess?

The answer came in the middle of the night, last night, as I awoke with terrible anxiety, my body locked up in pain. 

The whisper, “My Light still shines through those cracks.”

Just like that, my Daddy spoke to my heart to settle me. The anxiety didn’t go away and my body is still tight, but my heart is resting in Him.

I have this beautiful picture of a shattered pot with cracks everywhere and the sun hitting it just right that I see varying rays of sunlight shining through. That’s my life! As long as I am still putting myself out there allowing others to see the cracks, the brokenness, His light is shining through and that is where He is glorified.

He still shows up in broken places.

He still places His light in cracked pots.

And He is still making necessary repairs to make that pot whole again.

Do you journal? What kind of journal and I don’t mean spiral bound or hardbound? I mean is it a prayer journal, a question journal or an art journal? Is it a form of communication with the Father or yourself? I’m curious. As I look around my house and studio and see probably 100 journals all started with some form of communication - a gratitude list, a prayer, a sketch, scribble, etc. all to communicate my heart to the Father and understand His a little more.

My hope is that this will encourage you in your process, your state of brokenness, that He still sees you and shines through. I think through all of this He is encouraging me to let others see the light even in the various states of disrepair.

Emotions Aren't the Enemy

I’ve tried a million ways to avoid, stuff or numb emotions. They always felt like too much, made me feel like I was too much. When I made emotions the enemy they had power and over time became overwhelming. Maturity has taught me emotions aren’t the enemy, it’s what I do with them or my response to them.

My life has been filled with trauma, which gave me a heightened sense of emotion about a lot of things and made it difficult for me to be rational in many situations. It actually made me afraid of emotions, especially my own. That was never God's design. He gave me emotions to work for me, not against me. They are tools, not weapons.

God has put a specific fruit of the spirit
next to every negative circumstance in your life.- Graham Cooke

I’ve spent years growing and maturing as a daughter, wife, mother and woman and I’m learning that I am in control of my emotions, not the other way around. Even when things feel scary or overwhelming, there is always a “but” - I am feeling (fill in the blank), but I can make good decisions.

I don’t have to agree or like all aspects of myself, I just need to acknowledge them and part of that is recognizing emotions. I don’t have to accept them.

Self-awareness leads to dealing with things I've stuffed and moved me toward healing. It’s just about acknowledging what I’m experiencing.

When I let this practice of self-acceptance go (recognizing and acknowledging my true feelings) I tend to spiral into a vortex of self-practices…

Self-hatred
Self-avoidance
Self-deprecation

It’s not loving! To avoid my emotions is not practicing self-love. It’s key in the greatest of commandments.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

As I sat with these thoughts I made an interesting but not startling discovery, it starts with self-care. If I am not taking care of myself, I cannot be present with my emotions, I don’t have the strength, mentally or physically. Turns out my biggest struggle with self-care is self-avoidance.

As a young girl, I had an eating disorder and it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I ever voiced my struggle out loud to another human being. It was freeing. By the time I was in my mid-thirties, I no longer struggled with eating and by 40 I was free. Then life happened and patterns began to resurface and because I was neglecting myself by not practicing self-care it quickly got out of control. I don’t have an eating disorder again, but rather use food to comfort myself when I’m being mistreated, ouch! That is not loving either.

If I would take the time for myself on the front end I’d gain stamina to sit with my uncomfortable emotions and rationalize the truth. The truth of the emotion, the situation and myself.

When I’m taking care of myself and by that, I don’t mean eating chocolate cake, I have peace in my mind and body and am able to come to rational thoughts and decisions easier and quicker. My emotions are in check, I’m confident to face emotions, good, bad or indifferent and process through to a wise choice for myself.

This way of living gives me the tools I need for total self-acceptance and again that doesn’t mean I am accepting that things are the way they are or that they will stay that way. It simply means I’m present in the moment to acknowledge emotions without making irrational decisions. I no longer have to punish myself. It’s a new kind of freedom.

This new practice allows me to:

Let go of expectations
Bury dead dreams (grieve and let go)
Be kinder to me
Have more patience
Practice self-care
THRIVE

This revelation didn’t happen overnight and it has been work to get to these conclusions and I’m still on the journey toward further self-discovery and acceptance, but these are foundational concepts for continued growth.

Self-care has become a buzz word, everybody is talking about it. We see it in magazine articles, advertisements, and blog posts. For me every time I saw it I felt worse about myself because I still couldn’t achieve it. Turns out, I was just missing one of the most important parts of self-care, self-acknowledgment. I have to acknowledge I even exist or have needs and emotions before I ever do anything to care for myself.

If your struggling today with “self-care” please know you are not alone. Spend some time in prayer for yourself and ask the Lord what He wants to show you on your journey to living the greatest commandment. It starts with self! We can’t love others if we don’t first love ourselves.

“I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” - Maya Angelou

Restoring Creativity through Connection

“I’m not creative,” I hear it all the time and while it might feel true, it’s not Truth!

Last year I spent time unpacking what it means to be created in God’s image and likeness and how that factors into our creative nature. Recently, He has been teaching me about His desire for restoration back to His original design.

“What does that even mean?” you might be asking. He wants to restore us to the way He created us, His perfect plan for humanity. We know there was a snake, an apple and Adam and Eve, we call it “the fall”, but then there was the cross, which reconciled us to God’s original plan. It is available to take hold of whether we see it manifesting or not.

Recently, I discovered a study by Dr. George Land and Beth Jarvin. They were contacted by NASA to perform a highly specialized test to discern the probable creativity of NASA’s rocket scientists and engineers. They tested 1,600 children between the ages of four and five based on their ability to come up with “creative” solutions to problems. 98 percent of those children fell in the genius category of imagination.

The results were so astonishing they decided to make it a longitudinal study and performed the test five years later. Now only 30% fell in the genius category of imagination. And another five years later, when the kids were 15, only 12%.

What about adults, where are we at with our genius category of imagination, a shocking two percent! When I read that, God took me back to the four and five-year-olds, the 98%, that’s what He wants to do, restore that!

And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3

So, what happened to us? It’s the question scientists are asking. I’m asking too!

We know God created us perfectly, in His image, He made our bodies to function in amazing and perfect ways. Scientists are arguing that school is "dumbing us down" affecting our “creative genius” and that may have something to do with it, but what I’m discovering is that everything in life affects that, not just school - failures, disappointments, broken relationships, and damage to our perfectly designed body systems. We are the sum of all of our experiences, good and bad.

Several years ago I sat in on an Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) session for a child and the therapist was explaining to them what happens to our brain as a result of trauma, how it gets “disconnected” and how EMDR helps to restore it to the way it is supposed to function. It hit me right then how perfectly God created our bodies, but things happen and sometimes we allow them. They hinder our bodies from functioning the way He intended. He knew that and made provision for it, the cross.

I believe God wants to restore us back to the 98%, restore what’s been lost throughout our life through sin, trauma, pain or anything that has compromised what He saw from the beginning of time.

Will we be perfect? No. But in believing that He came so that we might have life and life more abundantly we can begin to make our way back.

Creativity has become a hot topic these days and something I’m passionate about and hopeful of seeing restored to the body of Christ. It has great benefit in our personal lives, but also in restoring others. God wants us, His bride, restored, so we can restore others. We are His hands and feet here on earth. How many times have I prayed, “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven?” Hundreds probably, but I’m part of the answer and so are you.

How can connection help restore our creativity? In and through connection we can have accountability, be armed with the truth of what God says about us, be activated in our gifts and talents and applaud ourselves and each other for successes and failures.

Accountability

Supporting and encouraging each other when we hear from the Lord. Being surrounded by people who will not let us walk away easily when the going gets tough and to confess our faults, so that we may be healed.

Arming

Equipping ourselves to do the creative things God has called us to do in an environment where we can give and receive feedback. A place to take hold of the truth of what God says about us and a place to begin practicing who we really are.

Activation

Participating in activities where our spirits are being activated in our calling whether through art, prayer or teaching.

Applauding

Celebrating ourselves and each other. Many don’t have a safe place or even a group of people for support, we can be this for each other.

Connection is a great catalyst for change, restoration will result. Once we are restored in an area we can begin restoring others. We throw around the term “world changers”, but I believe it’s possible, especially backed by the Holy Spirit. As we grab hold of our God-given identity we can transform our cities and ultimately the world.

In his book City Center, Tim Keller says, “In New York City, minority groups - whether of the ethnic, cultural, or lifestyle variety - can have a palpable effect on the way life is lived when their numbers reach at least 5 to 10 percent and when the members are active in public life. I have heard it said that when the number of prison inmates following Christ reaches 10 percent, the very culture and corporate life of the prison changes.” These are compelling statistics. They give me great hope for the effects of creativity in our communities and society as a whole.

No matter where you are on the creativity scale I hope I’ve given you some things to prayerfully consider and believe for. If you’re looking for creative connection we’d love to have you at the Creative Collective, our monthly gathering for artists.

Our first meeting is tonight, August 20th at Artistry 61, 200 North Bethel Street in Thomaston, Georgia.

Former Things

Often I've held onto what was better left behind. It is one of my most repetitive prayer points and it always comes back to the same thing, fear. Fear of the unknown.

Fear is fear any way you slice it and it points to a lack of trust in God. So, although it looks like I have a problem letting go, I really have a problem trusting God.

It seems like yesterday when I sorted through the storage bin that held the remains of my marriage. There were photos, letters, poems, and scrapbooks, but the people in the photos, who wrote the poetry and letters weren’t the same anymore. The day I chose to sort through the box was surreal, my heart was as ready as you can be to let go of something you hoped wouldn’t end.

My marriage did.

The letters, poems, and photos were now just a reminder of what wasn’t, what would never be. It was an awakening of hope.

That part of my life was over.

Word after word and photo and after photo were reminders of the lie we lived. The years of hiding and faking it being disposed of. (People who do this aren’t really aware they’re doing it, they don’t set out to deceive. It merely becomes a means of survival.) Each decision to let go, freed parts of me to heal, grow and move on.  

Recently I've wondered if I should have kept some of it, but today in the sweetest of ways the Lord reminded me to forget the former things. He is doing a new thing and I’m starting to perceive it and believe it. I didn't take the bait of self-doubt and self-deprecation, I let go and I trusted. It means I'm growing, maturing and yes, it even means I'm trusting God.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

When you want to hold on, let go.
When you want to run, stay still.
When you want to regret, trust.

Holding on to what is done keeps our heads and hearts from receiving the "new thing", it keeps us stuck and bound. When we let go we posture ourselves to receive the new thing, to press on toward the goal. Don't fall for the trick, I've done it myself too many times to count. But as I'm opening my hands and heart to trust I am much more willing to let go trusting what He has around the bend is better than anything I could ever hold on to.

An Expression of His Heart

Commissioned pieces usually come in the form of “Can you make a gift for my friend, they like (fill in the blank)?” That’s it. Often Holy Spirit will begin showing me things while they are talking. Like this time.

Initially, I’m ready to dive in, then fear starts talking.

What if they don’t like it? 

What if you got this all wrong? 

What if you can’t create what you saw?

But every time God shows up. It’s like whispers of love for the person I’m creating for. His love and compassion come through in such a powerful way I typically end up in tears.

I can trust the gift He has given me 

Sometimes when the piece is complete people cry, I don’t know why, but I cry because I’m thankful. Grateful for a God who will lead and guide me every step of the way even when I paint because He cares so much about people and relationships.

More importantly, I can trust Him to accomplish His purposes through my gifts and not because of them

Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:21 KJV

The truth is when I obey - it always works.

They get the painting, He gets the glory and I get to be who I was created to be. Win. Win. Win.

“You see, the essence of your role in the Kingdom is to simply submit your life to the Lordship of Christ, receive the good gifts He has for you and co-labor with the Holy Spirit to release the life of God wherever and however He shows you. The results are up to Him. You are simply called to be a faithful son or daughter in the process.”― Matt Tommey, Creativity According to the Kingdom: Connecting with Heaven to Create with God and Release Transformation

All I need is to follow His lead, the rest, well they’re just art supplies.

Is there something you want to create? What is holding you back? Can you trust Him with the process? The outcome?