Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Love Never Feared A Mess

Katie McClain - Wife to one who has loved me into loving myself, mother to two littles who are their own inexhaustible universes, daughter of multiple parents who adore me to my core, friend to some of the most authentic humans on the planet, sister to two organically hilarious siblings, accountant sometimes, writer at other times, deep thinker at all times, exercise and food junky, and a simple girl who is daily tripping up and falling into deeper depths of love with Father, Son Spirit, self, others and all creation!
guest post by Katie McClain
So they tell me I was the “easy” and “good” child compared to my siblings. By “easy” and “good”, I think they meant compliant, rule-follower. My siblings are what some call the “strong-willed” child. I think that’s the politically correct term for non-compliant. For the most part, rules, to them, were meant to break or at least challenge all the way to their boundaries.

In a culture where behavior is mistaken for identity and compliance is mistaken for connection, I began to believe my “good” behavior is what made me good and acceptable, and my compliance is what made others (including God) want to connect their heart to my heart. Unfortunately, the inverse became my belief as well: If my sibling has bad behavior, that makes them a bad person, and if they’re non-compliant, I must not let my heart connect to theirs.

There, the separation in relationships begins. I began to relate to people out of separation rather than union until their “good” behavior made me feel safe to unite with them. In my separation, the older I got, the more I began to feel superior to the ones who couldn’t make a “good” decision to save their lives. The distance created by superiority becomes greater and greater as we begin to compare our behavior with others’, judging ourselves “good” and others as “bad.” Isn’t that the whole reason we were never supposed to eat fruit from that tree? Judging never united anyone, and separation always kills.
“…but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” Gen 2:17 NIV
For years, I adopted the common mentality and accepted the ignorant affirmation of others that I was the “good kid” and my sister was the “bad kid.” It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties, after much heart damage can be done and after insecurities can be amplified and exploited by ignorance, that I received sight for my unconscious blindness.

My sister and I had soooo much more in common than I thought! As a matter of obvious fact, we were more united than separated both in our goodness and in our heart wounds. Not only did we share the original declaration by Creator God over ALL humanity as His “VERY GOOD” creation (Gen 1:31), we shared the same personal insecurities and starvation for acceptance from our parents and every other relationship we’d encounter.

The only difference between her and me was that we went about our pursuit of belonging and acceptance in different ways: I thought doing everything everybody told me to do, when they told me to do it and how they told me to do it was what made me acceptable and loved. That also meant that when I didn’t do something “right,” I immediately felt rejected and unloved by both myself and others. My sister naively and correctly thought she should be accepted no matter her behavior, and because she wasn’t, her life was spent for years just proving to everyone by painful behavior that they would indeed reject her—“Just watch!”

Both of us, in the self-rejection caused by our perception of disconnect and separation in our most intimate relationships with parents, God and others, embarked on lives of self-sabotage, and we’re still overcoming!

The redemption in any relationship manifests when the blindness of separation, hierarchy, superiority and inferiority is displaced with eyes of unity and Love that have to conclude “Oh! I am one with her! I am one with him! I am one with them! Nobody is “good” while others are “bad!” We are ALL good in our innate identity, yet we exhibit “bad” behavior out of our wounds, fears and insecurities. We are both created in the image of the same God. We are both hurting! But we are both being made new!”

We were never created to be compliant creatures who follow rules in order to be invited into Love. We were actually created to be in intimate relationship where behavior creates messes but where Love (not judging between good and evil) was enough to clean them up.

Love was never afraid of a mess.

No comments:

Post a Comment