Hanging On

God has ways to deal with things. His ways are definitely not our ways and last week I was more sure of that than ever. 

It was a fairly good week with some fun and friends sprinkled in and promised to be an eventful weekend, but I was feeling anxious. God has been leading me in a direction this past month and last week, feeling terrified, I hit the brakes.

Screeching halt.

After praying, dialoguing with a friend for a bit and filling my mind with truth, I settled down for bed early. 

Before my feet even hit the floor Thursday morning God instructed me to clean my closet. He was teaching me about my recent anxiousness and relational struggles using my cluttered closet. 

Analogies, similies, and metaphors were all in His briefcase

that morning as He revealed, once again, my struggle to "let go." 

Seemingly everything the Lord reveals to me is a deeper truth He has previously introduced, so I looked up a post I wrote in 2010 and it was the basis for my conversation with the Lord that morning. A deeper revelation of my propensity to "hold on" when everything points to "let go." Even then he was laying a foundation, building layers of truth in my heart and some of that truth is beginning to bear fruit.

Going through my closet that morning was cathartic. Every item was representative of something - the times I wore it flashed across my mind, the person who gave it to me or what I was doing when I last wore it. Each item representative of something I was holding onto. It was surreal. 

There was some serious baggage in there.

When the Lord gave me the revelation years ago there were three things I tended to hold tightly, but I'm happy to report there are only two I still struggle with. It has been a long struggle, but persistence is paying off.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22

He doesn't want us to hear His Word and keep going,

He wants us to hear His Word and be changed. 

I'm changing, slowly but surely.

So, as I entered the closet that morning with the previous day's battle won, but still fresh in my mind I filled five garbage bags.

Two lies were evident as I filled bag after bag:

LIE

I hold onto things because I am afraid of lacking.

TRUTH

Fear the Lord, you his holy people,for those who fear him lack nothing.The lions may grow weak and hungry,but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Psalm 34:9-10

LIE

I hold onto relationships that are dead or dying because I am afraid to let go.

TRUTH

"Truly I tell you," Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” Mark 10:29-31

I hold onto things and relationships that the Lord would rather see me let go of. Things that keep me from His best for me, things that keep me from His blessings, things that keep me from His will for my life. I'm still recognizing things and people that I'm holding onto and asking Him to show me how to let go because I cannot do it on my own.

Sometimes the strongest thing you will ever do will be to let go of someone. It will be painful, you will suffer guilt, and you will second-guess yourself, but for your own sanity and quality of life, there will come a time where you hand them to God, with your love, and trust Him to be who and what He is. - Lee Goff

These are long-time struggles, but I am confident after this closet decluttering experience, that I am closer to seeing fruit in the remaining areas too. Sometimes the branch has to be pruned before it will bear fruit.

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. John 15:2