Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Memories are not the Boss of You

You know how memories are - they come and go. Sometimes they hide and surface at what seems like the most unexpected times.

As I listened to totally unrelated testimonies of God's love, grace and faithfulness a 34-year-old memory came to my mind as clear as if it was yesterday.

I was about 11 years old living in a condominium with my mom in Hialeah, Florida. My best friend Susan lived next door. We spent hours every day swimming, skating, talking and playing. We were inseparable.

One day as we played in the open stairwell next to my apartment on the second floor, her stepfather came out and grabbed her by the hair and dragged her down the concrete steps into their apartment. I could hear loud banging sounds, him screaming and her and her mom crying. I was terrified. You know what I did? I called Children and Family Services.

Although I was living my own abusive nightmare in my family and had no voice to defend myself, I tried to protect my friend. You know what happened? Nothing.

That was not the last of the abuse I would hear coming from the 2 bedroom apartment next door, but I accepted the fact that there was nothing I could do.

Last night I realized the guilt I carried for not being able to protect my friend is still alive and well in my life, but what I know now that I didn't know then - I don't have to carry it. 

The guilt that weighs so heavy on my mama's heart isn't mine to carry. It was carried to death on a cross. It was transferred to the shoulders of a sinless man who was fully God.

He took it.

Not only did He take it, but He took it away.

When I carry the guilt it is an insult to His shed blood. It's as if I'm saying it wasn't enough.

It's blasphemy.

What I have come to know by the Spirit is that this kind of revelation is always followed by healing. So, today, on my face before Him, I laid it down. The guilt. All the years of guilt and the guilt of today.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1
There is always an exchange. When I lay the guilt at His feet He has something to give me in return. It's not even my job to figure out how to get rid of the guilt I simply lay it down and trust. I lay it down and get His light and His healing power.
If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. John 8:36
This applies to anything that keeps you from His best for you. Today if you are carrying something that has become too heavy or burdensome to bear, I encourage you, get on your face and release it to Him. He will give you what He intended for you all along. He can't put something in a hand that is filled with things He never put there. So, trust, open up your hands release the burdens and receive the grace and whatever else He might have for you.
Since therefore, brethren, we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is His flesh, ... let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Hebrews 10:19,20,22


  1. Thank you for your honest, beautiful testimony; God is glorified when we share how we are/were broken, and the Light shone on the darkness, He broke the chains with which I was bound, now, because of Big grace, I am free! Sour in the freedom He bought for you sweet sister! Thank you so much for sharing your journey and pointing the way!

    1. Thanks sweet friend. Grateful to have you as my friend on this road.