Thursday, January 11, 2018

Wrestling with Weakness

Old habits die hard. 

The one word that has been used against me more than any other word is weak. If someone said, or even implied I was weak they could manipulate me to do almost anything. Something inside me would kick in, puff up and determine to be strong and prove them wrong. 

It took me years to grow out of that. 

It felt like a personal attack on my character and by definition, on, it means an inadequate or defective quality, as in a person's character; slight fault or defect.

I already felt defective I didn't want others to see it, but this insult, this word confirmed they did. Calling me weak was just adding fuel to the fire of my low self-worth, self-esteem, and self-image. Pride said, "Prove them wrong. Do more. Try harder. Strive. Wear yourself out."

That was until I understood weakness.

God's strength is made perfect in my weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9

When I cry out to Him (in weakness) He delivers me from all my troubles Psalm 34:17

When I don't know what to pray (when I am weak) the Spirit makes intercession for me Romans 8:26

It has taken years of wrestling this old habit. I had to learn to stop reacting to a word, a person, a perceived insult to rest in my weakness. To find joy in His strength and allow His power to be made perfect. 

There is much to be gained from this dichotomy, wrestling with weakness.

Accepting my weakness forced me to acknowledge His strength. 

Accepting my weakness made me more aware of His power.

Accepting my weakness made me confident of His love for me.

I can say with all confidence, I am weak. Thank God I am weak! I have seen His power, His miracles, and His mighty hand more than ever, since humbling myself and submitting to the blessings of my own weakness.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
There isn't a more intimate place for a relationship than to acknowledge your own weakness and lean on someone else's strength. 

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