Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Former Things

Often I've held onto what was better left behind. It is one of my most repetitive prayer points and it always comes back to the same thing, fear. Fear of the unknown.

Fear is fear any way you slice it and it points to a lack of trust in God. So, although it looks like I have a problem letting go, I really have a problem trusting God.

It seems like yesterday when I sorted through the storage bin that held the remains of my marriage. There were photos, letters, poems, and scrapbooks, but the people in the photos, who wrote the poetry and letters weren’t the same anymore. The day I chose to sort through the box was surreal, my heart was as ready as you can be to let go of something you hoped wouldn’t end.

My marriage did.

The letters, poems, and photos were now just a reminder of what wasn’t, what would never be. It was an awakening of hope.

That part of my life was over.

Word after word and photo and after photo were reminders of the lie we lived. The years of hiding and faking it being disposed of. (People who do this aren’t really aware they’re doing it, they don’t set out to deceive. It merely becomes a means of survival.) Each decision to let go, freed parts of me to heal, grow and move on.  

Recently I've wondered if I should have kept some of it, but today in the sweetest of ways the Lord reminded me to forget the former things. He is doing a new thing and I’m starting to perceive it and believe it. I didn't take the bait of self-doubt and self-deprecation, I let go and I trusted. It means I'm growing, maturing and yes, it even means I'm trusting God.
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19
When you want to hold on, let go.
When you want to run, stay still.
When you want to regret, trust.

Holding on to what is done keeps our heads and hearts from receiving the "new thing", it keeps us stuck and bound. When we let go we posture ourselves to receive the new thing, to press on toward the goal. Don't fall for the trick, I've done it myself too many times to count. But as I'm opening my hands and heart to trust I am much more willing to let go trusting what He has around the bend is better than anything I could ever hold on to.

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