Write in the Middle of the Mess

There is no shortage of journals in my house, if I had to guess, there are at least 50. Serious ones, funny ones, spiritual ones, plenty of unicorn ones and some glittered. As much as I love to write, many of the pages are still empty. Funny how my greatest weapons, sit idle during my fiercest battles.

This summer as I drove along winding back roads filled with anxiety over the mess I was in the Lord asked me to “write in the middle of the mess.” He knows me. He knows I like it all cleaned up and wrapped with a nice bow. I like a beginning, a middle and an end, you know how stories are supposed to go, but the truth is there are lots of beginnings and some middles in my life that don’t have an end in sight.

Since that day when He made a simple request I have rehearsed in my mind what it would sound like, it would sound much like it does in my head a series of unanswered questions and problems without solutions. Requests made to Him to rescue, save and heal and can I be honest? Doubts that He will.

Some of my greatest revelations have appeared on the pages of my journals and some of my most painful discoveries. Maybe that’s it, I just want status quo for a while. I don’t want any new revelations while older ones are still taking effect and I’m not taking any orders for more painful discoveries, thank you very much.

It's also on those pages where scripture comes alive, where words are made new, where healing happens and God shows up. He always shows up. Where situations get worked out in pen on paper in ways they never do in my head or in my striving. I'm learning he doesn't sit by and watch me suffer, He has already made provision for my restoration.

When He reveals it, He heals it.

What if I just did what He asked? Just started writing, write in the middle of the mess. If He has asked me to do it He has already made a way where there seems to be no way and maybe He wants me to have a record of it. I have a friend that says, "I hope you're writing this down," almost every time we talk. I'm always grateful when I listen and look back and see all the ways He came through.

I'm a communicator, it's the way He’s wired me - writing, one of my greatest forms of communication. It's easy and flows, it’s hard and stuck, sometimes a battle to use the very gift He gave, ironic, isn’t it? It's how the enemy keeps me stuck I think and sometimes how I keep myself stuck. Stuck in the insanity of doing the same things and expecting different results. It's time to obey His directive and write in the middle of the mess. Good, bad, ugly or indifferent - every word closer to Him and His provision for me.

Writing in the middle of the mess will happen here, but the questions, the longing, the wrestling, the sorting out of all things will happen on the now blank pages of my journal. A place where I will pour out my heart to the One who holds it and share my deepest struggles with the One who already knows.

I like to know how it’s going to end, that I'm headed in the right direction, but truth be told none of that is clear right now. I know I will keep seeking, asking and knocking in writing and I will patiently wait for the restoration that’s been promised.

Do you write in the middle of the mess? Or do you wait till it's all worked out and you can write about what God has done?